Screaming.......my inner voice...scream..

Once again....
I almost left my blog until it is almost rotten....
My bad luck in 2011 never end...
I remember when i started this blog at last year december...and someone told me that 2011 will be a great year.
Yet..the person who told this to me also left me...
Hmm...Nt to say left me but ....i just gave up.....


Bad news keep rolling to me and i tried my best to solve it with a broad smile ....
I TRIED....I TRIED..AND TRIED...
but it will never end...
just like today.........


For the past 2 days...i keep dreaming about something bad and kinda memories which i dont even wanna look back..
the dreams were like so real until i woke up with all sweating......
But the most shocking things is that  i never knew that the nightmare which i am afraid of will become reality...


Whole day of me never laugh nor smile.....
Its like my time is all PAUSED......
I get stucked....What lecturer taught me today i barely listen....
even if he tried to make me smile or laugh...it just didnt works..


I never mean to burden anybody or anyone...
I try to settle my own emotion when i am alone....but..

I am afraid to look at myself through the mirror when i cried or crying.....
Because i cant help myself..i dont know how to comfort myself...

My emotions burst out everything.....

I knew i shouldnt be so weak infront of you guys....so..sorry....

I felt like...the wonderland which i always dreamt of...is getting more futher now....

Maybe i need sometime to calm myself down....

Please....if dear god cooperate with me...

Please....give me a good and happiness life...

Please...I will work hard to reach my wonderland.....

for now....i need to be strong......no matter in inner or outer part of my body....